By Andrew Harvey
When we came to understand that Purball was dying it was very difficult, because she really was our tantric temple goddess, as well as our child and our beloved. She was eight years old, but what we discovered is that she had a big heart and that it exploded very fast. But the miracle was that we were able to spend two days with her before she died, and those two days really took place in another dimension of love. It was very holy and very wonderful and very transforming. She was very, very calm and incredibly loving. And during the last hours, really all that she wanted to do was to exchange love. It was as if she had refined her whole being to the point of being pure love, this amazing nature which was serene and profoundly tender and so sweet and so soft and so strongly soft.
The great revelations really came after she died because I was plunged into very deep grief because I realized that I would never have such a profound and transparent relationship with anything as I’ve had with her. And I realized, too, how absolutely I had loved her and how absolutely she had loved me. But something very strange happened then which is that in the very depth of the grief, in the very intensity of the absence, came a presence and a joy greater even than anything that had been there when she was alive. It’s as if the love that you’ve experienced when your friend is alive, this loving animal friend is alive, is the beginning of an intense inward love that goes on beyond space and beyond time. Purball is no longer separate from me. I feel as if she’s living in the very heart of my heart. And whenever I think of her, the flame inside my heart lights up and I know that she and divine love and my love for her and her love for me are now one beyond space and time. And there’s nothing that can defeat this love. And the gift that she came to give me which was all this love has been given. It’s as if she had a task to love. I hoped to realize that task by loving her, and she gave me this great initiation into this divine love. And she left at the moment when it was complete, and at the moment when into the tremendous hole left by her absence, the Divine could pour deeper and deeper revelations from this love.
I feel that she was a mystical being, you see. Tremendously initiated already, and very, very wise who totally loved me and from that love gave me an initiation which cannot help going on whether she’s in the body or not. We have her buried in the garden. We buried her on rose petals. We took all the roses in our garden and broke them into petals and she rests on rose petals, She has a Chinese ideogram on her grave that means “Eternal Friendship.” I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I loved her. Nor been loved as completely. And I think that if I was to die now or tomorrow, I would through Purrball have known divine love on the Earth.
Animals are just being pure love which is the highest state. And one of the things that we learn from animals is fearlessness of death. They’re not scared. They know that it’s part of the unfolding. And they have absolutely no fear. They’re extraordinarily solicitous of us, I noticed. They’re much more concerned about how we’re going to take it than they are about themselves. It’s an extraordinary lesson in fearlessness, a lesson in selflessness and a lesson in true abandon. I believe that animals through their great power of love come into a profound psychological and spiritual union with those whom they love. And that isn’t just a dependent relationship, it’s a visionary relationship. Purr Ball became, in a sense, the guardian of my deepest self. And she loved me because of what she saw in me, but she also helped me grow that faculty. And she and I grew together in our growing of it, because human beings have a great conscious love to give to animals which help animals themselves develop their own powers. It’s a mutual feeding.
Think of it, we’re invited to this creation as to a great feast. And our partners at the feast are the animal creation. Unless we learn how to respect and honor their extraordinary powers and to see that they’re already at the feast and to want to sit down at the feast with them how will we ever, ever get to the
feast? We won’t have this sublime experience of adoration and protection.
Many things we have to learn from animals. They have a natural sensitivity to the divine.
As my love for Purr Ball started to flower, I realized that something massive was going on. A tremendous, really, a very great initiation. She brought me the Mother. She was the Mother. And she initiated me into this tremendous heart-love for all animals and the knowledge of them as sacred and one with me and one with all of life that I never really had before. I’d always imagined it, but to experience it is so different from imagining it. It’s such a revelation. And with the revelation comes such grieving, such enormous sorrow at what we have done to the animals. Really, a terrible rending sorrow. Because of their sensitivity they take in our heartlessness…they are feeling the impact of our massive dereliction of the soul.
I feel with Purrball, that she was really the representative of the animals, the ambassador, and the sweetest ambassador. The Mother sent perfect, perfectly tailored to break my heart open. And through her and through my love for her all of these comprehensions are coming. Let’s do wonders for the animals. Let us listen to them and ask them to help us.